A few years ago I was full of anger and hatred towards the Family Court system and the government,  I’d gone through a difficult divorce which benefited no one other than solicitors. The marriage had been turbulent, to say the least, and I’d left an extremely abusive relationship to find myself in court on repeated occasions a couple of which I was suffering flashbacks from, I lost the house which I had mainly contributed towards, my ex-wife was using our child as a weapon against me. 

The child support agency was chasing me for money despite the fact that I had thousands of pounds worth of debt mostly generated by my ex-wife’s demands and behaviour, then I had to spend tens of thousands in court just to see my child. I was bitter and angry.

I remember when I was in the midst of the divorce and having constant altertications with my ex-wife someone suggested to me that a coaching event would help me learn to communicate with her better, I couldn’t understand how at the time. I thought it was all her, I was the victim in this situation. Going to collect and drop off my daughter was a nightmare.

Strange Events

A strange turn of events made me look at myself, my life and my situation from a different perspective, I started to realise that the role I had played. My decisions and my choices had all contributed to the situation I found myself in. I had some unhelpful thought patterns which weren’t serving me well and I started to identify the source of my issues. I had a negative self-image, I was insecure in who I was, I had a lot of negative thoughts and I suffered from social anxiety. My mind was out of control with flashbacks and I felt like I was going mad.

Everyone is Doing The Best They Can with What They Have

There are two philosophies that I feel have really helped me cope with everything over the past few years. One of them is the understanding that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have, I find that adopting this understanding helped me to move forward and begin to rebuild my life for the better.

Forgiving people doesn’t mean we are justifying what they have done or letting them off the hook, forgiving means we are freeing ourselves from the anger and resentment which only holds us back. “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Malachy McCourt.

I know I have done a lot of things that I would like to be forgiven for, it would have been hard not to with the perspective I had on the world. Blaming the government, abusers, narcissists and mentally ill family members wasn’t going to get me anywhere, it was only going to keep me stuck in a cycle of rage and resentment. If I had stayed that way I would have been no better than them.

I saw how my environment had created my perspective and realised I was abusive myself, I thought it was normal to behave that way. Like attracts like so whatever you put out into the world will come back to you. I realised that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have as I had done the best with what I had. 

Everything Happens for a Reason

I started asking myself what the situation and happenings I was witnessing said about me and what I must have believed about myself to have gotten into such a state, I looked back over my life and I started to see how I had come to adopt the beliefs I had. The way things had happened it was like the universe had conspired against me to show me my life’s purpose and led me to where I am today. I am committed to helping men who have had similar experiences overcome anxiety, complex PTSD, divorce and relationship breakdown.

You may like my inner child healing course if you have experienced issues with narcissistic abuse, childhood trauma or maybe you just feel like something is holding you back in some way, click here to access it.

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